2018 has been a painfully transformative experience. Despite the ups, there have been downs just as great. The last year or so has involved lots of giving and toxic taking and malice from others. The worst thing about being a sensitive empath is the nagging feeling that you’re at fault, that you deserved to be treated horribly. It’s a thought process I’ve struggled with since childhood. I’ve realized lately that others will betray and antagonize you because deep down inside they’re insecure and troubled. I feel as humans we all have our moments, we’re not perfect but it’s during our darkest moments do we realize who our true friends are.
Growing up, I’ve always felt the term friend is thrown around too casually. It’s hard to find who your true friends are. Everyone will gladly shower you with love and support but how they treat you when you’re down speaks volumes about who they are as a person. Recently I was betrayed by someone I perceived as a great friend with warm intentions but quickly and brutally realized only if their happiness was met. Relationships are a two way street. Neither party should constantly be burning through energy only for words to fall on deaf ears. If someone plays on your fears, insecurities, and anxiety cut ties. They don’t deserve to be in your life.
Always remember when someone truly cares about you they show it with actions and words. They’re patient and understanding, not abrasive and pushy. Those you allow in your circle should respect your perspective and that you are uniquely you with your own experiences that have shaped the way you move and interact. You’re not entitled to take a fake persona to keep a friend around. Honor and love yourself. Have faith that goodness exists in this world. I often have my doubts but each one is greeted by a world of love and support. Don’t let people ruin your perspective of life and especially yourself. You are beautiful. You are to be cherished. To be supported. You deserve all the love in the world. Never let toxic people tell you otherwise.
I have a lot to work on within myself but deep down I know my expectations for basic respect will never be cast aside for others’ joy or comfort. I come first because I’m living my life and mine alone. The world is a scary, complex place and honestly sometimes I wonder if I’m meant to spend an eternity alone but I know there’s more to life beyond the pain and let downs. I’m young with lots to learn and experience. As much as I’m tempted to become cold and guarded I know it’s not the life I want to lead. Nor do I want the bitterness of others to infiltrate my being and fill me with negative energy.
I want to spread warmth and positivity throughout the world regardless of my flaws and shortcomings. I’m a work in progress with many visions to realize and growth to be had. In short, I hope you, whoever may be reading this hangs on. Don’t let the darkness hold you back because someday you will bloom.