Enby Photo Diary Entry #1

I’ll preface this blog post with the fact that in spite of going to nursing school I don’t know all the ins and outs of gender and sexuality. What I do know is that growing up I never felt completely female in fact I felt quite masculine at times because I don’t have classic feminine characteristics e.g. an hourglass shape or doe like eyes, just to name a few. I have neither of those characteristics and for years I struggled with this reality. I hated myself for that, enough that I’d cry staring at my reflection and spent hours comparing myself. It was a vicious and equally toxic cycle.

This summer I came out as non binary and I’ve never been more at peace with my reflection. No longer is she my enemy but rather my pride and joy, someone I love even during stressful days. An ally, a person I want to shape and mold into a better human being to bring peace to a world filled of hate and anger. A person I no longer subject to cruel comparison of self to others. No matter how much I may compare myself I’ll always be me and in the end that’s okay. I’ve achieved quite a bit in my life like graduating from nursing school so why focus on looks? In the end it’s all superficial. What you see on the surface is subject to wear & tear from the elements. We are sensitive to the world within and around us. We fall apart, we come together.

It’s ironic I’m starting this photo diary series, but it’s not for the sake of showing off selfies just for the hell of it, but for a purpose deeper than that. Selfies/self portraits are imbued with the wonders of a clever click, imagination, a touch of wonder, and lighting. Photography has always meant the world to me even at a young age and the selfie culture has given rise to this desire to share my work but through a different lens and angle, from the viewpoint of someone trying to fully accept themselves as is. Every. Single. Day. It’s a difficult challenge but such is the wonder of life, right? Never quite easy, always fleeting, a conundrum of itself yet somehow so beautiful. I hope you reading this post is able to take something from these words and words to come. I hope I can pass along positive thoughts and strength in your direction so you may rise over whatever may be your obstacle.

Now here’s a couple of selfies from this summer. No makeup and no fancy backdrop but the light always finds me, haha. Through photography I’ve learned to embrace my face’s quirks I once hated & swore I’d save up money to reconstruct and better. My full lips, my somewhat small eyes (from certain angles & during certain facial expressions), my acne prone skin (very present here), and so forth. All things I once hated but have learned to embrace since coming out as non binary. I feel free. I feel like the me I always yearned to be but was too afraid to let loose. Not anymore though. This Aria is only beginning to unfurl her wings.

Aria x

Twitter: @DreamingAria_

Instagram: @aria_thedreamer

Fiverr: AriaAnale95

Taking the plunge

I’ve got some exciting news. After months of debating between three options I’ve finally opened a Fiverr account. For months now I’ve thought about ways to give back to the writing community and I’ve finally found a site that allows me to do so. By no means am I a master but merely an RN with a passion for creative writing and all it entails (outlining, worldbuilding, character development, etc). I’d like to think this passion should say a lot on its own and if people take interest in my gigs, my actions thereafter will support previous statements made.

For right now I’m offering beta reading for short stories, novellas, & novels. From 5000-10,000+ words varying in range from 7 to 10 days completion. I made the best estimate possible based on current life circumstances. While I have more time on my hands in one sense, in actuality there’s actually a lot I’m doing and working on behind the scenes in this wondrous thing they call life and reality. Eventually I’d loved to do art commissions and feedback on essays. I think the commissions are self explanatory while essay feedback comes from years of writing essays, including those requiring extensive research and a perfect citation list. (Thank you very much nursing school + college writing in highschool!)

Currently I’m trying to take things one day at a time and slowly expand my scope when the time is right instead of against a timeline. I figured things will bloom in due time when they’re supposed to, I simply have to faith and persistence till then to continue creating in all ways possible while staying true to myself. In other news I plan on starting my Enby Photo Diary soon as well as sharing more of my art along with samples & info about my new adult science fantasy novel, Fragments of Unity.

Feel free to contact me via Twitter as well as via email at ariathedreamer@gmail.com. Feel free to check out my Fiverr Account. I’m always open to advice, input, and suggestions!

Aria x

Mini Reflection 02

Sometimes we’re left with two equally harsh choices to choose between. Both are equally exhausting and harsh, often heartbreaking too. Such is life but it’s difficult and draining, sapping the joy of life. There’s no such thing as perfection but a streak of abnormalities & difficulties is bound to bring tears and anger to the surface for we are only humans after all, beautifully flawed, a topic I’ve touched on many times because in my opinion it is true.

Life trips you up sometime but you have to have some semblance of belief that it’s all for a bigger reason. It’s painful introspection but a chance at self growth nonetheless. Life is tough but you’re tougher. Never forget this in times of darkness and haziness. Those moments & days will fade in due time till then keep fighting the best you can.

Aria x

Hello World 🌎

Hi again if you don’t know my name is Ariana but I go by Aria. Just wanted to say I’m a self taught artist (hoping to do commissions in the future!), an amateur photographer, gamer, anime lover/reviewer, writer, poet, and the list goes on.

There’s a lot I hope to bring to the blogosphere in the weeks & months to come. Please know all photos are mine unless otherwise stated, likewise for words and artwork.

In the near future I hope to start up a Ko-fi to help out in artistic and technical/musical/linguistic endeavors like buying another set of bongos and studying for the JLPT n5.

My dreams are eclectic like me from wanting to go back to school to study midwifery down to being a video game writer & becoming a Japanese interpreter, along with other goals like opening a photography store & doing paid beta and/or alpha readings for books and WIPs.

Again my name is Aria and welcome to my blog. 🙂

Feel free to contact me at ariathedreamer@gmail.com for anything from inquiries to business proposals.

NonBinary Photodiary

Coming soon.

Photodiary inspired by coming out as #nonbinary a few months ago.

Character Portrait 1 (Of Several)

Hello and welcome to the first blog post in awhile. I decided to share a character portrait or two from my novel NA science fantasy, Fragments of Unity. A passion project of mine that touches on all the aspects I’ve ever wanted to incorporate into a story world such as a cast of mixed characters of varying sexualities, beliefs, and so forth. 🙂

I could go on and on but here’s a throwback portrait of one of the grandmothers of my series from the prequel WIP, one of several because my mind has an insane amount of ideas, especially for prequels and sequels, but FoU is my focus for now!

Here’s Iglascia Alisteer-Cruz, fire mage and grandmother* of FoU’s Ignatius Alistair.

Mini Reflection 01

I was inspired to write this reflection upon realization of how much I let others control me through toxicity and deception. For years I let others play puppeteer to my emotions, feelings, and future. Such action destroyed me, broke me down but in time built me back up. The blogging sphere is like any space in life. There’s those who strive to bring peace, light, clarity, and understanding to everyone who happens to cross paths with them on their journey. Others bring negative energy, a mask of lies, and ego above reality with each step they take. I try to befriend those I can and make amends with those who’ve wronged me (and those I’ve wronged as well). Humility is my ally in all facets of life.

I’ve made amends with some while deceived and played by others but I’ve reached a pinnacle of self love I thought impossible and unlikely to achieve. I have a lot of growing to do. 2019 has been the year of hardship, pain, loss, and more doubts than I can count but somehow through falling apart I’ve fallen together. My mind is muddled, but my spirit is burning brighter than ever before.

The turn around, this metamorphosis has only just begun and I hope you, whoever you may be find that which you seek or yearn for within these words.

Ariana x